Thursday, August 25, 2011

On the nose

Have you ever had a good idea that turned out to be not such a good idea when you put it into action?

Well, that is what happened to me this week. Inspiration struck and then something else struck and the upshot of it all is that I have a skinned nose that is quite stingy.

To make matters worse, Mum keeps dabbing cream on me which would be fine if I could lick it off but I can’t because it tastes awful. Also, I don’t know why she is so keen to put cream on the one place where I am sore. Rub my tummy, stroke my fur but leave the nose alone, please.

My misfortune began with a delicious aroma of basted meat and juicy gravy. I, of course followed this tempting scent to the source.

Which was a booby trap. Mum said it was an old tin can but I know better. It was a fanged monster that mauled and savaged my poor nose and disfigured my schnauzery good looks for who knows how long. I wouldn’t mind but I’ve just had my fur done.

I was lucky to get out of there alive. It grabbed on to me with its jaws of death, trying to suck me in whole, I am certain. You should have seen me pit my wits against the beast. It took all of my strength and cunning to emerge victorious.

I did not escape unscathed and have my battle scars to show for being a courageous warrior and defeating the metal brute.

I am a mighty schnauzer and I took it on the nose.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Catch me if you can

There is a lot to be said for keeping active. And I get around. If I’m not chasing a ball, I am running up and down the stairs to make sure that each of them are still where I left them.

I spend a lot of time stalking the neighbour’s cat. Even after she hisses at me and swats me with her paw. Mum says I never learn but watching that cat is an education. If the neighbour only knew what happened to that wren that used to avail of her bird bath, we’d see who’d be in favour then!

Yes, I’m busy busy, hardly time to catch my breath. You won’t catch me resting on my laurels. 

Hey what are you doing with the clicking thing?

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Schnauzer Navigation

My poor humans have to go to a lot of effort to compensate for all the things they don’t have that we dogs take for granted.

It takes lots of words for them to communicate what we can get across with just one wag of the tail.

They have to pile on clothes in the winter just to keep warm, poor things, we just give our coats a shake and we’re ready for the snow!

However, the greatest lengths humans go to just to match our canine cleverness is in seeking directions. They go on a journey and they need books of maps. Many stops to ask directions from random strangers and of course the little speaking invisible woman in the car. 

She speaks to them from behind a screen, saying thing like take the next left and go straight for 10 kilometres. All gobbledegook to me. And to my humans too, it seems because that device has never yet brought us to where we intended to be.

All of these books and gadgets are to make up for the fact that the humans don’t know how to follow their noses. We have a built in guidance system that never fails.

Just follow me.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Singing the blues

If you want Rock and Roll, I'm your schnauzer. I'll lift my leg on any rock you want me to, some you don't and I will always roll over if there is a tummy rub in the offering.

And being happy at even the thoughts of this, I sometimes break into song. This is primarily to remind the humans I'd be happier still if they did some tummy rubbing instead of leaving me to imagine it!

My humans however, sadly have no musical appreciation at all. They are tone deaf. Mum even had the cheek to say I was doing a schnauzer scream, when in fact I was tuning up nicely on a very harmonious ballad I call "Paws up Everybody".

It's not easy to hit all the right notes.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Trimming around the edges

It seems I need a haircut. this is not my view, I should point out but that of the humans in my life.

So let’s see. Should I have some trimmed off my moustache? Oh no, it’s fabulous! Or what about my ears? Definitely not, they give me my defining look.

Perhaps my eyebrows? No, I don’t think so, I like the sartorial me. hands off the paws, of course and while you’re at it, leave the tail alone too.

In fact, just put the blade away. Why mess with perfection?