Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Imitation is the schnauzery-est form of flattery

I was in the woods the other day for a nice long walk. This was a fascinating place to be as I could smell rabbits and squirrels and birds. I could see and hear plenty of birds too but the squirrels and rabbits thought they could elude me by staying out of sight. This was a very successful strategy.

The birds thought they could elude me by flying. Also a strategy with a high success rate. 100% clearance for the birds, actually. Not that I was counting or anything.

To be fair, though, I had a couple of disadvantages against me. First of all, there were loads of other dogs out walking too as Mum thinks pack walks are going to be good for me. This meant I was distracted from my hunting what with having to bark at all of those other dogs individually and collectively. Also some wanted to bark back, so the rabbits, birds and squirrels were probably tipped off something was up with all that racket.

However, my long tailed, bob tailed and feathered friends, I will be back. Us schnauzers have a saying. If I hunt and you run away, I can hunt you another day.

However, among those other dogs I met, there were some strange ones. Huge ones, with great big paws, small ones with little barks to match and even one in fancy dress. He wanted to look just like me.

He was almost my twin. I say almost as perfecting my look takes a lifetime. Mine!

"If you think my beard is long, you should see your own ears!"

"Hey, you're not bad looking. With a little more work, you could be as nice as me!"

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Schnauzer impressions

For those of you who can't tell from  my accent, I live in Ireland. Just to keep you up to date with second hand items I get to hear that have no interest for schnauzers whatsoever, it seems that we have had a fairly busy two weeks in Ireland.

First a woman called the Queen of England visited. Whatever Queen is or England, I don't know but there was a lot of excitement about it. Here's what I saw of it. Nice lady, chewable hat.

Then the President of the United States visited. Again, whatever President is or indeed United States, is a great unknown. Never mind. Here's what I saw of it. Tall man. Chewable looking shoes. Very shiny.

These two events had the humans stuck to the square thing, watching it for hours on end. So I decided to do some schnauzer impressions of famous people to get their attention back where it belongs. On me.

So here I am doing my impression of Dick Dastardly's famous cartoon dog Mutley. Khe-hee-heee!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Schnauzer sea shanty

I had the unexpected opportunity to go on a dogathon. At least it was unexpected by me. My own intention for the day was to take a nice stroll to the park and then home for a nap on the couch.

However, Mum had other plans. The dogathon, in case you are wondering, and I know you are, is a long walk for dogs. It was near the sea. The only thing I saw was lots of rain and salty flavoured mist that kept blowing into my beard. It came from this hu-mong-ous puddle. I mean, this was the biggest puddle you ever saw. If I told you you could sail a ship across it, you wouldn't believe me but it's true.

So I was inspired to put together a little schnauzer sea shanty for you. Tune up, it goes like this:

Why would I want to walk when there’s showers
Why would I want to walk when there’s showers
Why would I want to walk when there’s showers
I’ll only get my paws wet,

Hooray you’ve put my coat on
Hooray you’ve put my coat on
Hooray you’ve put my coat on
Now I feel like a daft one

What’s wrong with you can’t you see it’s raining
What’s wrong with you can’t you see it’s raining
What’s wrong with you can’t you see it’s raining
This is awful weather

Hooray you’ve put my coat on
Hooray you’ve put my coat on
Hooray you’ve put my coat on
Now I feel like a daft one

How could you do it coz I’m a good boy
How could you do it coz I’m a good boy
How could you do it coz I’m a good boy
You shouldn’t put the dog out

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Lord of the Ring

Interesting fact here, there is not as much difference between us and the humans as we all might have thought.

Having said that, there are a few important things that set us apart. We can smell a sausage from the next street over. And we don't mind peeing in public, not at all. Apart from that, peas in a pod.

As I can illustrate with my story here. The other day, Mum took me to a dog show. I was wondering what it was they wanted to show us dogs and I'm sorry to say, I am still not clear on that and can provide no insight here.

Whatever they wanted to show us, we had to walk around in a big circle looking for it. The mystery deepened as not one of us found a darn thing.

However, it was not all a waste of time as I did discover that if we like chasing things, well, so do the humans. They were all really keen to get these round shiny things called medals. Mum got one and boy, was she ever pleased. Don't know why, it's not even good for chewing.

I might, on a day when I have the time, teach Mum to chase fun things. Like cats. And birds. And falling leaves.

Of course, there is another similarity between us and them. Mum often says she must be barking. She's not very good at it though, I've never heard it. She's never even managed to make the neighbour's cat look twice, poor thing.

Maybe it's best if the humans leave being a schnauzer to us who do it best.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Sunny days and schnauzer tails

Well the sunny weather we've had lately is a treat. It has produced so many fun things to do that I didn't even know were possible.

Like stretching out on warm grass. This sounds boring but try it sometime. To do it right, you must find a patch nice and warm from the sunshine and preferably after you have chased a ball about for a bit.

Then there are the lovely walks Mum and I get to go on. I don't mind testing the depth of puddles with my paws but it seems to bother Mum when I do it, so I'm glad there are none about now that she has to steer me around.

And every so often, there is this paw-some smell in the air. Mum will say that someone is barbecueing and I don't wonder that they have to queue for something that smells that delicious. There are burger smells, sausage smells, steak smells, chicken smells...... Wait, what I was writing about when I started, sausage, no that wasn't it, must focus. Chicken smells, burger smells....

Oh. Oh yes, summer time fun things. That was it. Well, just as I am learning about all of the good things about sunny weather, I am learning some new things about me too. Get this, right, I'm a hunter. A beast of prey. A powerful prowler. A schnauzer king of the serengeti.

I discovered this by accident. I was practising my sunny grass pose when this massive great winged thing swooped. A monster, it was, with pointy eyes and all in ghostly white. Scientific name: Lepidoptera. Now wouldn't that scare the daylights out of you? Wouldn't you be glad to have a fearless schnauzer to hunt it down if it swooped at you?

But Mum, she just said leave the butterfly alone, Isaac.