Following my nose

There is something marvellous about being out of doors, something that reminds me that I am dog and hear me roar. Or at least bark.

There are so many exciting things to do that it is no wonder that I feel my inner wolf emerge every time I get into some grass or within sight of a tree trunk.

First, there is the most important job at hand. Scent everything in sight. One never knows when or where one is about to meet the love of one’s life, or at least day, so it is important to let her know you are in the area and never mind those other lesser dogs.

Then, there is the business of picking up a scent and identifying it. There are bird scents, squirrel scents, dog scents, human scents and all sorts of other ones, some filed in categories I call “Critters to be Avoided”.

Now there are times when Mum reckons that I have no sense. Well, she couldn’t be more wrong. 

I have nose scents.

The green green grass of home

I think one of the best things about being me is that I get to make up games of my own. I really like this and best of all, Mum is always happy enough to join in and that makes the game even better.

Of course, when I was a puppy, I had a great game called Chew the Shew but Mum got her part in this game all wrong. She thought she had to hide all her shews and she spoilt the game because I never could find where she put them when she wasn’t wearing them.

Here’s a game I played one sunny day when we went out in the fields for a walk. It’s called Schnauzer Troll. All I have to do is hide under a nice bit of stone or grassy step and wait to pounce on Mum when she catches up on me.

See, just under the next brow, there’s my eyes! 

The Philosopher's Schnauzer

Anyone with ears to hear will know that all schnauzers have a bark for every occasion. My own bark dictionary is generously endowed. There is “The Stranger at the Door” bark. The “Looks like the Postman is Going to Risk Calling Here Again” bark. The “I can’t Believe it, I see Another Dog on my Favourite Walk” bark. The “I Would Love Another Biscuit” bark. The “Why are You Looking at that Square Thing when You can Throw this Ball for Me” bark.

There are lots more too. No matter the event, the day or the occasion, there is a schnauzer sound to match. Humans of course don’t bark, they talk. That means they use words. Well, funny thing is, they seem to have hundreds of these and yet, they do like to repeat some over and over.

Recently, my humans have been saying some words a lot that remind me of my “I’m Not Going in There, That’s The Vet’s Place” bark. I don’t know what their words are but they don’t seem to like what they mean. They get many of them from the face in the box thing.

Here are some: “credit crunch” - some new dog treat, surely. And “negative equity” - a new agility sport, doubtless. “Rising unemployment” - a trick they will probably want me to learn. “Recession” - seems like a worm or tick or some other piece of nastiness as the humans make it sound rather awful and it is everywhere according to what I can hear from them.

However, they ought to learn from the way of the schnauzer. See, I know something that they never talk about from the square box. No matter about the treats you can’t afford or tricks that test you out, I’ll still be your schnauzer. I still think you are fabulous. My fur still feels soft and warm if you rub me down. I love your company. I’m never too tired or bored or busy to go for a walk with you.

And see that glint in my eye? It’s just because I’m happy to see you.

Sun, sea and schnauzer

The other day, Mum bundled me into the metal thing, the one with the magic doors. I get in, they close and my house is there. They open, I get out and instead of my house there is a nice wood to walk in or a beach to play on.

This time, it was a beach. I cannot emphasis enough what fun can be had on a beach. The top three activities are as follows; 3. Running after birds. This is in third place as the birds will always try to fly away and succeed. 2. Digging. There is so much lovely soft sand that just about any old spot on the beach is good for this. 1. Getting sand in your fur and freaking out the humans. This one is top of the list as it works every time. It also endures long after you have left the beach. Possibly even to the next day if you amass enough of it!

However, for the inexperienced out there, I can provide a few safety tips. First of all, never drink the water. There is an awful lot of it but it must be there a long time because it tastes dreadful. Clearly not out of a bottle.

It is easy to lose sight of the humans if you run of leash. This freaks them out more than the sand in the fur does and is a bit scary for us too.

And lastly, run on, dig in and roll over the sand but never, ever taste it. Once in the mouth and you are chewing for hours afterwards and not in a good way. You can drink lots of water and try to dislodge it by licking the humans but bits of it are staying on your tongue no matter what.

See, that's a grainless grin!