Schnauzer sea shanty

I had the unexpected opportunity to go on a dogathon. At least it was unexpected by me. My own intention for the day was to take a nice stroll to the park and then home for a nap on the couch.

However, Mum had other plans. The dogathon, in case you are wondering, and I know you are, is a long walk for dogs. It was near the sea. The only thing I saw was lots of rain and salty flavoured mist that kept blowing into my beard. It came from this hu-mong-ous puddle. I mean, this was the biggest puddle you ever saw. If I told you you could sail a ship across it, you wouldn't believe me but it's true.

So I was inspired to put together a little schnauzer sea shanty for you. Tune up, it goes like this:

Why would I want to walk when there’s showers

Why would I want to walk when there’s showers

Why would I want to walk when there’s showers

I’ll only get my paws wet,

Hooray you’ve put my coat on

Hooray you’ve put my coat on

Hooray you’ve put my coat on

Now I feel like a daft one

What’s wrong with you can’t you see it’s raining

What’s wrong with you can’t you see it’s raining

What’s wrong with you can’t you see it’s raining

This is awful weather

Hooray you’ve put my coat on

Hooray you’ve put my coat on

Hooray you’ve put my coat on

Now I feel like a daft one

How could you do it coz I’m a good boy

How could you do it coz I’m a good boy

How could you do it coz I’m a good boy

You shouldn’t put the dog out

Lord of the Ring

Interesting fact here, there is not as much difference between us and the humans as we all might have thought.

Having said that, there are a few important things that set us apart. We can smell a sausage from the next street over. And we don't mind peeing in public, not at all. Apart from that, peas in a pod.

As I can illustrate with my story here. The other day, Mum took me to a dog show. I was wondering what it was they wanted to show us dogs and I'm sorry to say, I am still not clear on that and can provide no insight here.

Whatever they wanted to show us, we had to walk around in a big circle looking for it. The mystery deepened as not one of us found a darn thing.

However, it was not all a waste of time as I did discover that if we like chasing things, well, so do the humans. They were all really keen to get these round shiny things called medals. Mum got one and boy, was she ever pleased. Don't know why, it's not even good for chewing.

I might, on a day when I have the time, teach Mum to chase fun things. Like cats. And birds. And falling leaves.

Of course, there is another similarity between us and them. Mum often says she must be barking. She's not very good at it though, I've never heard it. She's never even managed to make the neighbour's cat look twice, poor thing.

Maybe it's best if the humans leave being a schnauzer to us who do it best.

Sunny days and schnauzer tails

Well the sunny weather we've had lately is a treat. It has produced so many fun things to do that I didn't even know were possible.

Like stretching out on warm grass. This sounds boring but try it sometime. To do it right, you must find a patch nice and warm from the sunshine and preferably after you have chased a ball about for a bit.

Then there are the lovely walks Mum and I get to go on. I don't mind testing the depth of puddles with my paws but it seems to bother Mum when I do it, so I'm glad there are none about now that she has to steer me around.

And every so often, there is this paw-some smell in the air. Mum will say that someone is barbecueing and I don't wonder that they have to queue for something that smells that delicious. There are burger smells, sausage smells, steak smells, chicken smells...... Wait, what I was writing about when I started, sausage, no that wasn't it, must focus. Chicken smells, burger smells....

Oh. Oh yes, summer time fun things. That was it. Well, just as I am learning about all of the good things about sunny weather, I am learning some new things about me too. Get this, right, I'm a hunter. A beast of prey. A powerful prowler. A schnauzer king of the serengeti.

I discovered this by accident. I was practising my sunny grass pose when this massive great winged thing swooped. A monster, it was, with pointy eyes and all in ghostly white. Scientific name: Lepidoptera. Now wouldn't that scare the daylights out of you? Wouldn't you be glad to have a fearless schnauzer to hunt it down if it swooped at you?

But Mum, she just said leave the butterfly alone, Isaac.

Flower Power

The humans do get in your way sometimes. Schnauzer paws are busy and it's hard to have time to keep up with everything I have to do.

Here's a fine example. Just the other day, we were visiting Dad's Mum. So, I was having a good look around her big garden, sniffing the trees and gosh what a lot of them there were. Quite a bit of work involved there getting my scent on all of them.

My good work was interrupted just as I found some nice green things someone had kindly put in lovely clay for me to dig out. I had hardly started this enterprise when Mum decides to point the clicky thing at me again.

Not happy to have me stand still (how I managed to contain myself, I still don't know. Sometimes I surprise even myself), Mum decided that I needed further enhancement. And tried to add a flower badge on to my collar.

The clicky thing sounded pretty fast, just before I gave a good shake to launch the badge up over my head. Mum was fast with the clicky sound but not before I started thinking how daft this idea was.

Mum said it was for spring. So I sprung and the flower thing was gone. But not forgotten.

A step in the right direction

A schnauzer has his uses. I could list them all but it would be a long list! And anyway modesty bids me to keep it short. It seems I have helped some less fortunate dogs than me.

So, let me tell you about my weekend. I went for a walk. Nothing unusual about that except that this walk was a pack walk and Mum had to make a donation so we could join. I didn't like to tell her that I would walk for free! Mum said we were helping homeless dogs but I wasn't sure how. Maybe I was supposed to find them when we were walking or something.

It all happened at an animal shelter in a place called Kildare. (This could be just me but if it's called Kil-anything, I'm wary straight away....). However, it turned out to be a nice place, lots of grass to run about in. And so many dogs. Well, I bounded out of the car, eager to introduce myself... with long and loud barks in any and all directions. A German Shepherd dog growled at me. I blame the stupid yellow fluffy ribbon Mum put on my collar. I wish she hadn't. I'm certain that's what got the German Shepherd riled up.

Apart from that, it was great fun. Off we went, me and Mum and Dad and all these other dogs. As the only schnauzer in the pack, I felt that I was representing the breed. And threw in a good few barks along the way to keep the schnauzer flag flying.

And I met a new friend. He and I shared a drink of water. And a little sniff or two. I could tell he was an all round good guy. So I showed him how good I am at jumping. And he showed me his moves which were not bad. And we had a quick game of tug with an old rope toy. I let him win. No, he only won because I let him, I could have won but I didn't want to show off.

Funny thing, when the walk was finished, I headed off with Mum and Dad. His Mum or Dad were nowhere in sight.

When I was getting into our car, settling down on my blanket for a snooze after all that adventure I saw him one more time. He was being led into a pen by one of the shelter people and they were closing a big gate behind him. I gave a friendly yip in his direction and bounced to catch his eye.

He looked in my direction but I don't know if he saw me. Then we drove away. I never did find the homeless dogs but I sure hope things work out for them.

All the better to see you

Sometimes I like to pay careful heed to what is going on around me. Mum lifts the car keys and I am at the door faster than you can say "here boy". The dog next door lifts his leg outside and I have my aim ready next time I get out there.

My trusty nose and ears keep me up to date with all the latest developments and I am a schnauzer in the know. There is a drawer in our house and Mum keeps two things of interest in there. At least of interest to me. As it happens my favourite thing and my least favourite thing.

Care to guess what they are or will I tell you? Ok I'll make it easy. In there is my lead and when the drawer opens and it comes out I'm happy as a dog with two tails. However, sneakily enough, the drawer also hides the comb Mum uses to groom me.

I do not like this process at all. I am naturally fabulous and need no such enhancements in my own humble opinion. Not that Mum will listen. While I would like to be snoozing or playing with my toys, Mum wants to brush my fur. So I have to lie still. For ages. And for what? I feel precisely the same afterwards so it cannot have made any difference to me.

So I have to use all of my observation skills to determine what is coming out when Mum opens the drawer. Is it the lead and happy times ahead?  Or the comb and I should have moved faster to hide?

My schnauzer sense is getting good at this. If Mum has already produced the lead, then it's likely it's time for the comb. So I tell my paws, don't fail me now and get me to a place of safety sharpish.

So. drawer, your secrets are not so secret anymore.

I'm watching you.

I say leave it to the cat

I know all there is to know about cats. Data that I will neatly summarise here into the following key points;
* Cats were meant to be chased. I mean, they sit there, staring at you until you do something about it. So bark. And get the best out of the cat.

*Care must be taken in the company of a cat at all times other than when they are streaking into the distance front of you. For some reason, they seem to think dogs are pin cushions and it is ok to sink their claws into our noses.

*Cats have brains of limited capacity and because of this are hindered from understanding why wet grass is a lot of fun to run in, why walking across a pit of mud is to be recommended and even encouraged and that there are far better uses of your time than spending it in a prolonged study and licking of muddy paws. Half the time there is no mud on their paws, anyway, just an imagined fleck but poor misguided creatures, they never can seem to grasp that this is not a reason to suspend all other activities.

And there you have it. The world of the cat and all you need to know about it. Now I am hoping that humans are reading this and learning a little something as they go along. Sometimes, you see, humans think that just because dogs are not cats, we must be compensated.

Take what happened to me the other day. While I know better than spend a minute of my time concerned with a bit of mud here or there, the humans think I need assistance in doing what the cats do all by themselves.

And so, they drop me in the bath and then comes the scrubbing of the paws and the ears. If I wanted this, I would do it myself. I have, however evolved past this and leave it to lesser beings like cats.

Try to keep up, humans.