Flower Power

The humans do get in your way sometimes. Schnauzer paws are busy and it's hard to have time to keep up with everything I have to do.

Here's a fine example. Just the other day, we were visiting Dad's Mum. So, I was having a good look around her big garden, sniffing the trees and gosh what a lot of them there were. Quite a bit of work involved there getting my scent on all of them.

My good work was interrupted just as I found some nice green things someone had kindly put in lovely clay for me to dig out. I had hardly started this enterprise when Mum decides to point the clicky thing at me again.

Not happy to have me stand still (how I managed to contain myself, I still don't know. Sometimes I surprise even myself), Mum decided that I needed further enhancement. And tried to add a flower badge on to my collar.

The clicky thing sounded pretty fast, just before I gave a good shake to launch the badge up over my head. Mum was fast with the clicky sound but not before I started thinking how daft this idea was.

Mum said it was for spring. So I sprung and the flower thing was gone. But not forgotten.

A step in the right direction

A schnauzer has his uses. I could list them all but it would be a long list! And anyway modesty bids me to keep it short. It seems I have helped some less fortunate dogs than me.

So, let me tell you about my weekend. I went for a walk. Nothing unusual about that except that this walk was a pack walk and Mum had to make a donation so we could join. I didn't like to tell her that I would walk for free! Mum said we were helping homeless dogs but I wasn't sure how. Maybe I was supposed to find them when we were walking or something.

It all happened at an animal shelter in a place called Kildare. (This could be just me but if it's called Kil-anything, I'm wary straight away....). However, it turned out to be a nice place, lots of grass to run about in. And so many dogs. Well, I bounded out of the car, eager to introduce myself... with long and loud barks in any and all directions. A German Shepherd dog growled at me. I blame the stupid yellow fluffy ribbon Mum put on my collar. I wish she hadn't. I'm certain that's what got the German Shepherd riled up.

Apart from that, it was great fun. Off we went, me and Mum and Dad and all these other dogs. As the only schnauzer in the pack, I felt that I was representing the breed. And threw in a good few barks along the way to keep the schnauzer flag flying.

And I met a new friend. He and I shared a drink of water. And a little sniff or two. I could tell he was an all round good guy. So I showed him how good I am at jumping. And he showed me his moves which were not bad. And we had a quick game of tug with an old rope toy. I let him win. No, he only won because I let him, I could have won but I didn't want to show off.

Funny thing, when the walk was finished, I headed off with Mum and Dad. His Mum or Dad were nowhere in sight.

When I was getting into our car, settling down on my blanket for a snooze after all that adventure I saw him one more time. He was being led into a pen by one of the shelter people and they were closing a big gate behind him. I gave a friendly yip in his direction and bounced to catch his eye.

He looked in my direction but I don't know if he saw me. Then we drove away. I never did find the homeless dogs but I sure hope things work out for them.

All the better to see you

Sometimes I like to pay careful heed to what is going on around me. Mum lifts the car keys and I am at the door faster than you can say "here boy". The dog next door lifts his leg outside and I have my aim ready next time I get out there.

My trusty nose and ears keep me up to date with all the latest developments and I am a schnauzer in the know. There is a drawer in our house and Mum keeps two things of interest in there. At least of interest to me. As it happens my favourite thing and my least favourite thing.

Care to guess what they are or will I tell you? Ok I'll make it easy. In there is my lead and when the drawer opens and it comes out I'm happy as a dog with two tails. However, sneakily enough, the drawer also hides the comb Mum uses to groom me.

I do not like this process at all. I am naturally fabulous and need no such enhancements in my own humble opinion. Not that Mum will listen. While I would like to be snoozing or playing with my toys, Mum wants to brush my fur. So I have to lie still. For ages. And for what? I feel precisely the same afterwards so it cannot have made any difference to me.

So I have to use all of my observation skills to determine what is coming out when Mum opens the drawer. Is it the lead and happy times ahead?  Or the comb and I should have moved faster to hide?

My schnauzer sense is getting good at this. If Mum has already produced the lead, then it's likely it's time for the comb. So I tell my paws, don't fail me now and get me to a place of safety sharpish.

So. drawer, your secrets are not so secret anymore.

I'm watching you.

I say leave it to the cat

I know all there is to know about cats. Data that I will neatly summarise here into the following key points;
* Cats were meant to be chased. I mean, they sit there, staring at you until you do something about it. So bark. And get the best out of the cat.

*Care must be taken in the company of a cat at all times other than when they are streaking into the distance front of you. For some reason, they seem to think dogs are pin cushions and it is ok to sink their claws into our noses.

*Cats have brains of limited capacity and because of this are hindered from understanding why wet grass is a lot of fun to run in, why walking across a pit of mud is to be recommended and even encouraged and that there are far better uses of your time than spending it in a prolonged study and licking of muddy paws. Half the time there is no mud on their paws, anyway, just an imagined fleck but poor misguided creatures, they never can seem to grasp that this is not a reason to suspend all other activities.

And there you have it. The world of the cat and all you need to know about it. Now I am hoping that humans are reading this and learning a little something as they go along. Sometimes, you see, humans think that just because dogs are not cats, we must be compensated.

Take what happened to me the other day. While I know better than spend a minute of my time concerned with a bit of mud here or there, the humans think I need assistance in doing what the cats do all by themselves.

And so, they drop me in the bath and then comes the scrubbing of the paws and the ears. If I wanted this, I would do it myself. I have, however evolved past this and leave it to lesser beings like cats.

Try to keep up, humans.

Then I heard squeak

I love my toys. Some of them are just made to please a discerning schnauzer like me. Like all of the best inventions, simplicity is the key to the success of the really great ones.

I have this round thing, it's like a ball but it has little horns on it that are bloody great for chewing. This toy bounces and best of all it squeaks when I grab it. It's a sound I never tire of. Never mind all that rubbish on the tv, I can't be bothered with that. Not when I can make this round thing make that sound.

Amazingly, it sometimes disappears. Usually at the time the humans are especially engrossed watching that tv box thing. Which is a real nuisance as it would be really handy to have my favourite toy around when Mum is too busy watching tv to play with me. If I have to make my own fun, I would like having the correct props to hand.

Anyway, when the bouncy squeaker is available, it is such fun. Only I speak squeak and it cracks me up every time!

Human behaviour

There is no making sense of the world sometimes. some things are just outside of a dog's understanding.

Take for example, St. Patrick's Day. Well, you can do the same for Christmas or lots of occasions. To a schnauzer, a day is a day is a day. You get up, you walk, you find a nice lamp post, you eat, you drink. Spare time is for cuddling with the humans.

The humans, on the other hand, they have all sorts of different days. Days for going shopping. Days for eating turkey. Days for wearing shamrock. Talk about complicating life.

Sometimes, a clever schnauzer knows to just play along. I have to say though, if anyone can tell me why oh why I need to look like this, I would take it as a kindness. I can tell you this much, there's no food to be had from it!

Turning green

This is my second St. Patrick's Day but I don't remember last year as I was a schnauzer of very tender years. Well months.

Anyway, what I hear is that there is going to be a parade down our street. I can't wait. There will be loads of people right outside my door, just right there for me to bark at. I can bark at the musicians. Or the dancers. Or the marching bands. Or the comics. Or the spectators.

My mind boggles at the thoughts of all there is to it. Whoever thought of this is a genius. A schnauzer loving genius. This will be better than a treat. Better than going to the park. Better than tummy rubs. I really ought to be practising for a bark fest like this. I do the occasional little dry run when out on my walks lately. A little woof here, a little bow wow there.

I'll have my full range ready for the actual day though, I promise.

Of course, as far as anyone else is concerned, I am going to the parade and going to be adorable. I have my costume and everything.

So, keep it to yourself, yea?